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Friday, December 28, 2012

Your Favorites of My Favorite Blog Posts


Your Favorites
(Most Viewed*)
of My Favorite Blog Posts

Winning the Gold Medal 
with by far, the most views was: 



The Silver Metal goes to 
the companion to the most popular post:

  


Right behind that, the Bronze goes to:



The Copper Metal (Fourth Place) goes to:

  


Winning the Aluminum Medal (Fifth Place) is:

Photo Source:


*The Top 5 Posts from My Favorite Blog 
were selected by the number of views 
as designated by Blogger.

Thank you for a great year!
May your new year be Happy 
and full of Love and Laughter.

Friday, December 21, 2012

My Favorite Quotes from "Channel Surfing"


My Favorite Quotes 
from “Channel Surfing


Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00AKJW6W6

Please Note
Being taken out of context, 
these quotes might not make as much sense.  


The poorly plastered bullet holes in the walls and the faded chalk outlines on the stained floor testified that this was not the safest of safe houses and imparted little confidence to those hiding there.  Even if the Chief of Police promised his boys would try harder next time.  The scent of Pine-Sol permeated the place, as if the sins of those slain there could be washed away with a household product.

Like Julio César Chávez battling Meldrick Taylor, the waves pounded the shore outside a cozy beach home.  

Not that Mama Snow meant to pester, per se, but she enjoyed having children.  Motherhood defined her as a person, so she wished the same joys for [her daughter] Cindy too.  And perhaps, a vengeful part of her wished her daughter would have as feisty a child as she had been. 

        Brad furrowed his brow further.  “How long was I out?”  
        [Cindy]: “Since yesterday.”  She thought about the bizarre talking-in-his-sleep, or in his case, talking-in-his-coma incident.  “Or less.”  
        Brad ran his fingers through her curly hair.  She cooed.  
        He sighed.  “Oh, good.  People who are out longer than that often suffer weird side effects.”  Brad remembered his high school gym teacher who demonstrated rope-climbing with so much exuberance, that he conked his head on the support beam and fell to the mat twenty feet below.  After that, coach Otis spoke with a Ukrainian accent, even though he was Dutch.  Plus, on Wednesdays, he wore his athletic supporter on the outside of his gym shorts.  And sometimes on his head.  Which was why, mostly behind his back, people called him “Coach Cup Head”.  

        Lying on his sofa at home, Brad watched a scary shark movie: “Shark Apocalypse 6: The Last Hoorah”, the timeless tale of a tour boat full of cheerleaders becoming shipwrecked on a sinking volcanic island surrounded by mutated gigantic sharks.  Titillating fun, to be sure, but not nearly as entertaining as “Shark Apocalypse 4: All Sales Final”, where, due to a tsunami and other cinematic contrivances, monster sharks wreaked havoc in a flooded shopping mall, forcing scantily-clad sorority girls to fend for their lives.  

        [Brad]: “You hated me being empty-headed; and now I’ve got a convention in here.”  

        Brad opened his eyes, gawked at the disheveled man before him.  Too clean to be a beggar.  Too unkempt to be a cop.  And too vertical to be a junkee.  “I’m no angel.  Who are you?”  
        [Rusty]: “I’m no angel either.  But I carry a badge.”  
        Brad gulped.  Not those guys again.  How did this one get away without having to follow the basic rules of grooming and hygiene?  “Thought of another joke, after you threw me out?”  
        [Rusty]: “I didn’t throw you out.  I’m crazy enough to believe you.”  Rusty held out his hand.  
        Brad glowered at Rusty’s hand.  “If only I were crazy enough to believe you, we’d have it made.”  Unkempt or not, he didn’t trust cops.  

        Archie moved closer along the bar, wiping like the Karate Kid waxing on and waxing off.  Squeak-squeak.  Squeak-squeak.  
        Rusty smiled an un-reassuring smile.  “Don’t fret Blondie, you’re not crazy.  But the voices in your head are.”  

        [Brad]: “I’m haunted?!”  
        Rusty dragged Brad to the door.  “You’re so haunted, you could be a Disney ride.”  

Norm was like that.  Always finding the silver foam lining in a dark cloud of beer.  

        “Hey, Benny.”  Jerry asked, “Where’s your gun?”  
        “Shut up!”  
        “That’s coming out of your pay.”  
        “I said, ‘Shut up!’”  
        “Whatcha gonna do Benny?  Shoot me?  Ya’ don’t got no gun.”  

        [Rusty]: “Cheer up.  You don’t look that stupid.”  
        Brad pounded the dashboard.  “I don’t look stupid at all!”  
        [Rusty]: “Why do you suddenly make my ex-wife seem emotionally sound?”  Although he and Sheila hadn’t finalized their divorce proceedings, he didn’t believe they could reconcile, so he already considered her his ex-wife.  
        [Brad]: “You wouldn’t understand, Tin-Man.”  
        Rusty laughed.  “There’s not a super power in the world that can save you from love.”  
        Brad blushed.  Love was the ultimate kryptonite.  

        Disobeying Rusty’s orders, Brad stuck his head out the door.  “Don’t get ice from the machine here.  I need frozen spring water.”  
        [Rusty]: “I’ll fetch organic, fresh-squeezed, twice-filtered, rain water from a spring surrounded by aloe plants and daffodils.”  
        [Brad]: “Don’t sweat the daffodils.  Although aloe sounds cool.”  Brad shut the door and closed the faded floral curtains.  

*        *        *        *        *        *        *

Those are just some of my favorite quotes. Some of my others would give away key plot points. And others were too good to give away!

Besides the jokes interspersed throughout the narrative and dialogue, other humor comes from the story, characters, and the situations. 

Channel Surfing is a fun and funny thriller about a surfer [Brad] who dies and comes back to life. Only he doesn’t come back alone. When the sun sets, he channels disembodied spirits. One of whom turns out to be a recently murdered informant [Tony] who had agreed to testify against local crime boss [Barone]. A disgruntled, loner detective [Rusty], seeking revenge for the death of his partner, finds out about Brad’s new power and tricks him into helping him put away Barone. The weasel Tony double-crosses Brad too. So what’s a channeling surfer to do? 

Laughs, Chills, Suspense, Thrills. 

Dean

P. S. If you were looking for a post 
dealing with the end of the world, 
check out these Heaven-Bent posts: 
Getting Ready for the End of the World
&
How We Spend 
Our Last Day on Earth
Says A Lot About Who We Are ...


Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1481203614


Friday, December 14, 2012

My Favorite Karaoke Songs


My Favorite
Karaoke Songs

Uploaded to YouTube on Oct 2, 2009 by 
Music video by Billy Joel performing You May Be Right. 
(C) 1980 SONY BMG MUSIC ENTERTAINMENT


Fun song. That’s my unofficial theme song. Meaning, if I had my way, that’d be the song that would play when I get introduced to perform standup comedy. Cool riff. Catchy chorus. Funny lyrics. 



Uploaded to YouTube on Jun 26, 2010 by
MrHerculoids


I used to stand in front of the class in third grade and sing this song. I’m not sure how that came about. Maybe I was singing at my desk; and Mrs. C said, “If you want to sing, come up here and sing.” Never thinking I would. But I did! Fun, classic pop song. David Cassidy (the Justin Bieber of my day) does an excellent job with lead vocals. But I still enjoy singing the song myself. 


Uploaded on May 17, 2010 by
Looking Glass
Brandy You're a Fine Girl
1972


Fun song. Catchy. Cool riffs. I just like it. 


My secret favorite ... 


Uploaded on Nov 5, 2009 by
retroj25
Canadian singer/songwriter Dan Hill's promo video for 
Sometimes When We Touch from the album "Longer Fuse" 
This was his biggest worldwide hit ... 

reaching No.1 in Canada, No.3 (US & Aust) & No.13 (UK). 

by Dan Hill 

Awesome song! This is my secret favorite simply because I’ve never found this at karaoke and thus have never actually sung this at karaoke before. If I found it somewhere, I’m sure I’d rock it. (And I mean that in a way that exudes confidence and a healthy self-image without a modicum of conceit. Well, without two or more modicums of conceit.) Anyway, what a great love song!

So apparently, ...

I only like to sing songs from the 1970s. Hmm. I haven’t been to karaoke in a while. Maybe not even in the past year or two. But when I did, these were the songs I liked to sing the most. (Not counting “Sometimes When We Touch”, because I couldn’t find it anywhere.) 

Whether you like to sing karaoke or not, may you always have a song in your heart and a smile on your face.

Friday, December 7, 2012

My Favorite Hogan's Heroes Episodes


My Favorite
Hogans Heroes Episodes





The Informer
The Pilot Episode
Season 1, Episode 1

This is the only black and white episode.
A favorite, because it introduces us to the characters.



The General Swap
Season 2, Episode 17

A favorite, because Hogan gets maligned by a captured general who doesnt understand his operation, but even so, Hogan concocts an elaborate, crazy scheme to help the general escape.



The Gypsy
Season 6, Episode 13

A favorite, because of the expression “The Klink Dipsy Doodle”. Fun episode featuring Louis LeBeau played by Robert Clary, the last surviving member of the original cast.


I don’t have a secret favorite, 
because, in many ways, 
every episode was my favorite.
What a fun, funny, clever show.

Friday, November 30, 2012

My Favorite Quotes from Exit Strategies


My Favorite Quotes 
from Exit Strategies


Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1477401970

Please Note: 

Being taken out of context, some of these might not make as much sense.  I have plenty more, but couldnt include those for fear of revealing plot twists and such, since this is a novella and not a collection of short stories like Seasons Without Reason and Faith like a Ketchup Seed.  



Looking for Love’s Loopholes
to Avoid Long-Term Entanglements

For the shallow of soul 
and faint of heart, 
no phrase frightens more than 
“till death does us part”.

Dean Burkey


[Dennis]: “No wonder you get married so much.  This device takes out the guess work.”  No surprises!  What you see is what you’re gonna get.  
Buddy put down his empty mug and sighed.  “Success is about finding the perfect Exit Strategy.  With any play, you gotta know the way out, before you go in.”  Seeing Serena returning, Buddy grabbed his phone back from Dennis.  “Split Denim Skirt.  Nine yards and closing.”

Dennis primped his hair and exhaled into his hand to check his breath.  Mm.  Maybe the spicy burrito wasn’t my best culinary choice.  Too late now.  My breath’ll have to do.  And too bad it was undercooked; my insides feel queasy.  He clutched his stomach and moaned.  
“All systems go.  This is not a drill.  Aaaaaaand hike.”  Buddy shoved Dennis off his stool in front of Serena.  

People danced and ate at Buddy and Amanda’s wedding reception in the Community Hall of the Warrington Warehouse.  Buddy’s supervisor Chet Baxter promised he could use the Community Hall when he got married, never realizing he would get married so many times.  Being a former football star himself, only for the Grossmont Griffins, Chet felt like he and Buddy should stick together.  Saved Buddy the extra $400 for the Fellowship Hall at the church.  Plus, the write-offs helped the books balance.  And the free publicity never hurt with marketing and sales either.  Although having the company logo prominently displayed on the wedding cake struck most people as tacky.  

Patty’s friends, acquaintances, and Dennis gathered inside the main chapel to pay their last respects, unknowingly to a synthetic replica of Patty’s corpse lying in an open coffin and wearing the red sequined dress.  Okay, Dennis knew.  He told their parents not to bother attending; and when questioned about their absence, said retirement didn’t allow them the luxury to travel back to Harbor Valley every time one of their kids died.  

Dennis shrugged.  He babbled a bit unintelligibly, as if he suddenly met a supermodel, or got his tongue stuck to the top of his mouth eating too much peanut butter.  Although a mostly model citizen, he never fared well around authority figures.  Stemmed from a childhood incident at the Newfound Playground Preschool, where his teacher Ms. Jenny Simmons criticized the way he played in the sandbox.  Disappointed, dismayed, Dennis always wondered how anyone could play wrong in a sandbox.  

Dennis continued speaking to the gathering of mourners.  “Ironically, and somewhat sadly, the correct answer is Tim McGraw’s line ‘hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.’”  Seeing Patty open the door to the side room, he feigned becoming choked up.  “Let’s bow our heads and share a moment of silence for a dear, sweet woman, struck down in her prime by the scourge of rickets.”
As the others bowed their heads, Jack and Patty snuck out of the side room.  Dennis peeked to see Patty grin and wave goodbye as she and Jack darted out the door.  
“Let’s not sorrow too much, ‘cause she’s moving on to a much better place.  And somehow, I sense, she’s not alone.”
Several women sighed a high-pitched, “Aw.”

[Buddy]: “If you’re so afraid of making a lifelong commitment.”  Buddy belted the ball off the front wall with the force of a ricocheting bullet.  “Start off small.”

Pondering that thought, Dennis missed the ball, so Buddy scored.  13-11.  Score one for his distraction ploy!  

“Try committing for one day?”  

“Find a woman with a short life span.  Someone hot.  With only a little while to live.”  Buddy bounced the ball and served again.
“Ew!  Hot or not, not marrying a ninety-nine year old great, great granny!”  Dennis returned the ball; Buddy missed; and Dennis won the serve.

Gaping for air, she [Patty] sighed.  “We’ll be this happy forever.”
Jack gulped as the word “forever” echoed in his mind.  Foreverrrrrrrrr, foreverrrrrrr, foreverrrrr, foreverrr, forever ...  

[Patty]: “What is it about me that makes men want to die?”  I thought guys liked my dimples.  
“Sometimes you can be a little”--Catching Patty glaring, ready to elbow him, Dennis changed his train of thought.--“Um.  Ask Buddy.  He has the opposite problem.  Only with him, they really do die.  On second thought, don’t mention it.  He’s touchy about being a poly-widower.”
“How would you feel if it was safer for women to chain-smoke nuclear cigarettes than marry you?”

[Dennis]: “Slow down, Sis.  Getting drunk won’t solve anything.”
Buddy gibed, “Solves the problem of sobriety.”
Awkward silence.  Even crickets felt too embarrassed to chirp.
Buddy pounded the table.  “Come on.  That was funny!”

Holding his racquetball racket, Dennis pounded on the door.  “Open up, Captain Death!  It’s time for your last breath!”  He kicked at the door, stubbing his toe, but not budging the door.  “Know you’ve got my sister in there!”  He smashed his shoulder into the door that refused to open.  “Don’t worry, Patty.  Still gonna rescue you!  Just might take a little longer!”  He kicked, punched, pounded, and flung himself against the door, all to no avail.  “Be patient!”  Exhausted, panting, Dennis slumped to the ground, causing the welcome mat to slide to the side, revealing a key.  He held the key as if wielding the mystical sword of Excalibur.  Okay.  Next time some psycho creep kidnaps my sister, check for a key, before busting my shoulder.

Cackling like the Joker when he’s about to dunk Batman into a vat of acid, Buddy drove his brand new Hummer down Market Street, turned onto Main Street, and headed toward the beach where he could eye sun bunnies.  “Touchdown!”  
Speeding down Serenity Shore Boulevard like a maniac, he swerved to avoid marring the grill of his car with Emma Kuhlman, a bag lady pulling a wagon full of cans.
Barely missed, Emma waved her angry right fist at him.
Buddy eyed her in his rearview mirror.  “What’s she mad about?  It’s my car that almost got dented.”  Buddy chuckled.  CRASH!  He plowed into a police car stopped at a red light.  POOF!  His air bag smashed his face, giving him a bloody nose.  

Dean

Hurry!  Buy yours today!  
Before my Kindle book prices go up December 1!

Read the beginning 
by clicking the picture below.


Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0080ID93E



Friday, November 23, 2012

My Favorite Quotes from Faith like a Ketchup Seed


My Favorite Quotes 
from Faith like a Ketchup Seed


Photo Source:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0083V9JX2

Please Note: 

Being taken out of context, these quotes might not make as much sense.  Also, this doesnt include the fun and funny fillers!


“Proverbs, Parables, & Ponderings” 

Our finite minds can never fully comprehend the effects of sin on God’s Perfect Creation.  How many of us figured out the Rubex Cube?  (Without removing the stickers.)  So how can we expect to grasp the infinite?  Where would we start, since there’s no beginning and no end?

“A Godly, Christian Way” 

Our lives are not about us.  No matter how much we may want to be, we are not the Main Character in our own stories.  History is His Story.  Jesus is the Main Character.  At best, we’re the wacky neighbor.  
But don’t be like Mrs. Kravitz on “Bewitched”, just peering through the blinds and screeching, “Hey Abner!”  

“Thank God I’m Not God” 

Does being a writer give me a God complex?  I saith unto thee no, but I doth wish thou shalt have no other writers before me; and thou shalt not take my name in vain.  Ten percent of thine income would be nifty too.  But other than that, as long as thine checks clear, what do I care?  

“The Water-Walking Shuffle” 

For far too long, I’ve felt let down by my faith.  I thought for sure I would walk on water by now.  I tried walking across Lake Hollingsworth and nearly drowned as the water went up to twenty feet over my head.  However, at one point I started to rise and rejoiced to think I had gotten the hang of it, but no, I had just strolled across a sandbar.  Then, having met Mr. Alligator, I quickly abandoned the effort and took up the exciting sport of speed-swimming. 
Walking on water -- is that so much to ask?  Some lakes are so polluted now it’s hard not to.  You dive in; and it takes five minutes to sink!  But unfortunately, my acts of faith served only to remind of my baptism.  Has religion failed me?  Or am I approaching this endeavor from the wrong perspective?  Maybe I should start off with a few running steps from the shore and then see what happens. 

“Divinity Is Hard!” 

Of the few people who do thank You, most of them are just buttering you up, before they rattle off their wish list.  “Thank You; Bless You; now gimme, gimme, gimme!” 
Rarely, if ever, a sincere and heartfelt: “Hey Supreme Being, how’s Your day?”  
“How’s the Lord of All business going?”
“What can I do for You?”

“The Dissected Body of Christ” 

So Lutherans may be one of the hands on the body of Christ, but LCMS Lutherans are just one of His fingers. 
Hopefully one of the good ones.  (If you know what I mean.) 

“Second Baptist Church” 

I don’t ask for much.  
I want to live a life that’s right and pleasing to God.  
I want to be Rebecca St. James’ trophy husband.  
And I want a Baptist Church to be forthright and say, “Look.  We’re not the first!”  

“God’s Biggest Mistake” 

When given a choice of where you want to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking, why argue with someone who chooses Smoking?
Some people prefer warmer climates.

“Too Lazy to Feed the Lions” 

We’ll get to Heaven and hear how Christians from other countries were martyred for their faith.  And we’ll be like “The cable once went out for an entire weekend!”  

“The Mediocre Samaritan” 

Driving down the dusty rod to Jericho, the Mediocre Samaritan came across a Wounded Man who had been beaten and robbed.  
Seeing the Mediocre Samaritan, the Wounded Man moaned, “Do you have any bandages?” 
The Mediocre Samaritan glanced in his glove compartment and shrugged.  “Nawww.  I got a Wet-Nap!” 

“What Would Jesus Do?” 

I needed some advice so I went to my pastor; and he said, “It’s always good to stop and ask: What Would Jesus Do?”  
Hmm, what would Jesus do?  

“Fast Food Royalty” 

“The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” and shows like that are popular.  But I don’t think love and marriage should be treated as prizes on a game show.  

“Sometimes I Pray with a British Accent” 

Does anyone else pray in British?  
I mean, besides British people.  
Maybe that’s how Lutherans speak in tongues.  

“How to Sanctify Unsavory Songs” 

Have you ever had a song get stuck in your head?  
If not, you’ve never been to Disney.

“Facebook Fun” 

If Jesus had a Facebook page, He’d friend each and every one of us.  

“You’re a Christian What?!” 

Sure, it sounds wrong.  But the TV preacher told me as long as I tithe I can pretty much do whatever I want.

“Breakfast Cereals of the Bible 
and the People Who Love Them” 

Adam & Eve -- Apple Jacks, Apple Zings, Fruit Harvest, or Bear Naked.

“Satan’s Cereals” 

On a deeper, more personal level, we find ourselves tortured by the fact that we age and cannot recapture the joy and enthusiasm of youth.  Can any crueler phrase exist in all of breakfastdom than?: “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.”

“Repossessed” 

Actually, it wasn’t a herd of swine so much as it was a ham and cheese sandwich.  If you’ve never seen a ham and cheese sandwich possessed by demons, you’re really missing out.  The bread flops up and down; the cheese sizzles; and the lettuce, tomato, and mayo fly around the diner.  And the ham!  The ham dances around, does the Moonwalk, and speaks in an eerie, hideous voice that continuously asks, “What?!  No onions?  What?!  No onions?”  

“Forward Phobia: Evil Emails” 

And what about those supposedly Christian evil emails that are just as bad?  They say things like “If you love Jesus.  And if you don’t want to suffer in Hell for all eternity, forward this email right away.”  
What did people forward to save their souls before the Internet?  

“Who Was the Greatest Comedian in the Bible?” 

Special thanks to my friend and former fellow ImprovAddict (an improv comedy troupe) performer Mike Cotton for asking this intriguing question.  Having an enquiring mind, I want to know the answer too!  Using my amazing secrets-of-the-universe-revealing powers (which are far beyond those of mere mortal men) and applying my deductive (wacky?) mind … 
Remember: Without a Laff-O-Meter available during biblical times, my response can only be subjective. 

“The Comedy Concept Behind 
‘Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible’” 

Ponder the platypus for a moment or two.  And remember, those existed long before nuclear accidents, cigarettes, and cell phone towers. 

“Divine Definitions” 

The Good Confession: The one the clergy will talk about for weeks.  

“Hey Dude! Hey!” 

Did you know that if you say “Hey Dude! Hey!” backwards that it sounds an awful lot like “Hey Dude! Hey!”, so you never really know if it’s backwards or not.  Thus, the people who don’t know if they’re coming or going end up not knowing if they’re going or coming either.  Indeed, the confusion becomes so great that no one shows up at the meetings anymore, so due to a lack of funding, the whole operation shuts down.  

“Stalker Almighty” 

Maria hummed “Losing My Religion” as she carried her notepad to a patron in the back corner hidden behind the menu.  “Have you made up your mind yet?”
The menu lowered; and Maria found herself face to Face with The One and Only.  “I made up my mind before the foundation of the world.”
“You?!”  Maria quivered.  “Soup of the day then?”

“Across the Multiverse” 

In a parallel universe, I’m married to actress Valerie Bertinelli; and we star together in a highly-acclaimed sitcom called “My Gal Val”.  In that world, musician Eddie Van Halen learned to play the accordion instead of guitar.  

“What If People in the Bible 
Had Their Own Games?” 

David wins Stratego as he defeats the Pharisees; and then Sorry! after sleeping with Bathsheba.  His son Solomon keeps busy with Mastermind, Cranium, Clue, and Beach Blanket Bingo.  If only to get a break from his three hundred wives and seven hundred concubines.  And David’s grandson Rehoboam causes a great division among his people with Scattergories.  

“May I Ask You 
an Intensely Personal Question?” 

What kind of question is that?  Have you seen those ads?  People say they’ll do the craziest things for a treat that will melt away in moments.  

“Upside-Down Sharks 
Prove the Existence of God” 

As if His Son’s miraculous life, sacrificial death, and glorious resurrection weren’t proof enough, we can add upside-down sharks to the list of many infallible proofs of God’s existence.  Yay God!  

“Lessons from the Yard” 

Funny how you need a million reasons to do something you should do, but only one or two excuses to do something you shouldn’t do.  

Church Skit: 
“Interview with Jesus” 

JESUS: (Laughs heartily.)  You can ask Me any question in the universe; and you want to know what My favorite color is?

PASTOR: I just wanted to see if You have a sense of humor.

JESUS: My Father and I thought Our creation of the platypus would convince everyone of that.

“For Best Results” 

Please note that Jesus never told Peter, “Depart from Me, you evil, wretched worm!  Flee from My holy, holy, holy presence, you sinning fishmonger!”  
Jesus never said that to Peter; and I’ll tell you why. … Jesus spoke Aramaic, not English.
And, because Jesus never tells us that for best results, we need to become perfect and sinless before we can enter His holy presence.  Never!
Here’s why: We can’t become perfect and sinless on our own.  

“An Ice Memoir 
(One Molecule Can Make a Difference)” 

Not this quote, per se, 
but this story, always makes me cry ...

Magnificent memories, yet here Bob shivered amidst the Tong Wars.  While other cubes clung together out of fear, he hid alone to evade capture.  Until one night, the Tong caught him.  

“Jojo: 3:16” 

God is not the maitre ‘d at a fancy restaurant.  So why do we think we can bribe Him?   “Maybe if I slip a few extra bucks in the offering plate, He’ll help me win the lottery.  And why not?  He knows I’d tithe.”  

“Why Do I Want to Walk on Water?” 

Where in the world is the Special Someone who will accept me and my imperfections, without clinging to the ridiculous notion that I should do the same for her?  

“Life’s Most Profound Question” 

What do you think is Life’s Most Profound Question?  Where am I going?  From whence have I come?  What does whence mean?  
What career should I choose?  What is love?  Whom should I marry?  What church should I attend?  How should I invest my money?  What’s on TV tonight?  How much is that doggy in the window?  Who wrote the Book of Love?  Whodunit?  Who drank the last of the milk?  Who ate the last cookie?  What happened on the way to the forum?  Who shot J. R.?  Where’s Waldo?  Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?  Where were you when this song became number one?  Was it Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a knife?  Paper or plastic?  Credit or debit?  
We could ask a myriad of questions.  Even more important ones like: Who is God?  What plans does God have for my life?  Which ministries should I support and serve?  But, believe it or not, Life’s Most Profound Question is: