My Favorite Quotes from Exit Strategies

My Favorite Quotes 
from Exit Strategies

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Please Note: 

Being taken out of context, some of these might not make as much sense.  I have plenty more, but couldn’t include those for fear of revealing plot twists and such, since this is a novella and not a collection of short stories like “Seasons Without Reason” and “Faith like a Ketchup Seed”.  

Exit Strategies

Looking for Love’s Loopholes

to Avoid Long-Term Entanglements

For the shallow of soul 

and faint of heart, 

no phrase frightens more than 

“till death does us part”.

Dean Burkey

[Dennis]: “No wonder you get married so much.  This device takes out the guess work.”  No surprises!  What you see is what you’re gonna get.  

Buddy put down his empty mug and sighed.  “Success is about finding the perfect Exit Strategy.  With any play, you gotta know the way out, before you go in.”  Seeing Serena returning, Buddy grabbed his phone back from Dennis.  “Split Denim Skirt.  Nine yards and closing.”

Dennis primped his hair and exhaled into his hand to check his breath.  Mm.  Maybe the spicy burrito wasn’t my best culinary choice.  Too late now.  My breath’ll have to do.  And too bad it was undercooked; my insides feel queasy.  He clutched his stomach and moaned.  
“All systems go.  This is not a drill.  Aaaaaaand hike.”  Buddy shoved Dennis off his stool in front of Serena.  

People danced and ate at Buddy and Amanda’s wedding reception in the Community Hall of the Warrington Warehouse.  Buddy’s supervisor Chet Baxter promised he could use the Community Hall when he got married, never realizing he would get married so many times.  Being a former football star himself, only for the Grossmont Griffins, Chet felt like he and Buddy should stick together.  Saved Buddy the extra $400 for the Fellowship Hall at the church.  Plus, the write-offs helped the books balance.  And the free publicity never hurt with marketing and sales either.  Although having the company logo prominently displayed on the wedding cake struck most people as tacky.  

Patty’s friends, acquaintances, and Dennis gathered inside the main chapel to pay their last respects, unknowingly to a synthetic replica of Patty’s corpse lying in an open coffin and wearing the red sequined dress.  Okay, Dennis knew.  He told their parents not to bother attending; and when questioned about their absence, said retirement didn’t allow them the luxury to travel back to Harbor Valley every time one of their kids died.  

Dennis shrugged.  He babbled a bit unintelligibly, as if he suddenly met a supermodel, or got his tongue stuck to the top of his mouth eating too much peanut butter.  Although a mostly model citizen, he never fared well around authority figures.  Stemmed from a childhood incident at the Newfound Playground Preschool, where his teacher Ms. Jenny Simmons criticized the way he played in the sandbox.  Disappointed, dismayed, Dennis always wondered how anyone could play wrong in a sandbox.  

Dennis continued speaking to the gathering of mourners.  “Ironically, and somewhat sadly, the correct answer is Tim McGraw’s line ‘hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.’”  Seeing Patty open the door to the side room, he feigned becoming choked up.  “Let’s bow our heads and share a moment of silence for a dear, sweet woman, struck down in her prime by the scourge of rickets.”

As the others bowed their heads, Jack and Patty snuck out of the side room.  Dennis peeked to see Patty grin and wave goodbye as she and Jack darted out the door.  

“Let’s not sorrow too much, ‘cause she’s moving on to a much better place.  And somehow, I sense, she’s not alone.”

Several women sighed a high-pitched, “Aw.”

[Buddy]: “If you’re so afraid of making a lifelong commitment.”  Buddy belted the ball off the front wall with the force of a ricocheting bullet.  “Start off small.”

Pondering that thought, Dennis missed the ball, so Buddy scored.  13-11.  Score one for his distraction ploy!  

“Try committing for one day?”  

“Find a woman with a short life span.  Someone hot.  With only a little while to live.”  Buddy bounced the ball and served again.

“Ew!  Hot or not, not marrying a ninety-nine year old great, great granny!”  Dennis returned the ball; Buddy missed; and Dennis won the serve.

Gaping for air, she [Patty] sighed.  “We’ll be this happy forever.”

Jack gulped as the word “forever” echoed in his mind.  Foreverrrrrrrrr, foreverrrrrrr, foreverrrrr, foreverrr, forever ...  

[Patty]: “What is it about me that makes men want to die?”  I thought guys liked my dimples.  

“Sometimes you can be a little”--Catching Patty glaring, ready to elbow him, Dennis changed his train of thought.--“Um.  Ask Buddy.  He has the opposite problem.  Only with him, they really do die.  On second thought, don’t mention it.  He’s touchy about being a poly-widower.”

“How would you feel if it was safer for women to chain-smoke nuclear cigarettes than marry you?”

[Dennis]: “Slow down, Sis.  Getting drunk won’t solve anything.”

Buddy gibed, “Solves the problem of sobriety.”

Awkward silence.  Even crickets felt too embarrassed to chirp.

Buddy pounded the table.  “Come on.  That was funny!”

Holding his racquetball racket, Dennis pounded on the door.  “Open up, Captain Death!  It’s time for your last breath!”  He kicked at the door, stubbing his toe, but not budging the door.  “Know you’ve got my sister in there!”  He smashed his shoulder into the door that refused to open.  “Don’t worry, Patty.  Still gonna rescue you!  Just might take a little longer!”  He kicked, punched, pounded, and flung himself against the door, all to no avail.  “Be patient!”  Exhausted, panting, Dennis slumped to the ground, causing the welcome mat to slide to the side, revealing a key.  He held the key as if wielding the mystical sword of Excalibur.  Okay.  Next time some psycho creep kidnaps my sister, check for a key, before busting my shoulder.

Cackling like the Joker when he’s about to dunk Batman into a vat of acid, Buddy drove his brand new Hummer down Market Street, turned onto Main Street, and headed toward the beach where he could eye sun bunnies.  “Touchdown!”  

Speeding down Serenity Shore Boulevard like a maniac, he swerved to avoid marring the grill of his car with Emma Kuhlman, a bag lady pulling a wagon full of cans.

Barely missed, Emma waved her angry right fist at him.

Buddy eyed her in his rearview mirror.  “What’s she mad about?  It’s my car that almost got dented.”  Buddy chuckled.  CRASH!  He plowed into a police car stopped at a red light.  POOF!  His air bag smashed his face, giving him a bloody nose.  

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

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My Favorite Quotes from Faith like a Ketchup Seed

My Favorite Quotes 
from Faith like a Ketchup Seed

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Please Note: 

Being taken out of context, these quotes might not make as much sense.  Also, this doesn’t include the fun and funny fillers!

“Proverbs, Parables, & Ponderings” 

Our finite minds can never fully comprehend the effects of sin on God’s Perfect Creation.  How many of us figured out the Rubex Cube?  (Without removing the stickers.)  So how can we expect to grasp the infinite?  Where would we start, since there’s no beginning and no end?

“A Godly, Christian Way” 

Our lives are not about us.  No matter how much we may want to be, we are not the Main Character in our own stories.  History is His Story.  Jesus is the Main Character.  At best, we’re the wacky neighbor.  

But don’t be like Mrs. Kravitz on “Bewitched”, just peering through the blinds and screeching, “Hey Abner!”  

“Thank God I’m Not God” 

Does being a writer give me a God complex?  I saith unto thee no, but I doth wish thou shalt have no other writers before me; and thou shalt not take my name in vain.  Ten percent of thine income would be nifty too.  But other than that, as long as thine checks clear, what do I care?  

“The Water-Walking Shuffle” 

For far too long, I’ve felt let down by my faith.  I thought for sure I would walk on water by now.  I tried walking across Lake Hollingsworth and nearly drowned as the water went up to twenty feet over my head.  However, at one point I started to rise and rejoiced to think I had gotten the hang of it, but no, I had just strolled across a sandbar.  Then, having met Mr. Alligator, I quickly abandoned the effort and took up the exciting sport of speed-swimming. 

Walking on water -- is that so much to ask?  Some lakes are so polluted now it’s hard not to.  You dive in; and it takes five minutes to sink!  But unfortunately, my acts of faith served only to remind of my baptism.  Has religion failed me?  Or am I approaching this endeavor from the wrong perspective?  Maybe I should start off with a few running steps from the shore and then see what happens. 

“Divinity Is Hard!” 

Of the few people who do thank You, most of them are just buttering you up, before they rattle off their wish list.  “Thank You; Bless You; now gimme, gimme, gimme!” 

Rarely, if ever, a sincere and heartfelt: “Hey Supreme Being, how’s Your day?”  

“How’s the Lord of All business going?”

“What can I do for You?”

“The Dissected Body of Christ” 

So Lutherans may be one of the hands on the body of Christ, but LCMS Lutherans are just one of His fingers. 

Hopefully one of the good ones.  (If you know what I mean.) 

“Second Baptist Church” 

I don’t ask for much.  

I want to live a life that’s right and pleasing to God.  

I want to be Rebecca St. James’ trophy husband.  

And I want a Baptist Church to be forthright and say, “Look.  We’re not the first!”  

“God’s Biggest Mistake” 

When given a choice of where you want to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking, why argue with someone who chooses Smoking?

Some people prefer warmer climates.

“Too Lazy to Feed the Lions” 

We’ll get to Heaven and hear how Christians from other countries were martyred for their faith.  And we’ll be like “The cable once went out for an entire weekend!”  

“The Mediocre Samaritan” 

Driving down the dusty rod to Jericho, the Mediocre Samaritan came across a Wounded Man who had been beaten and robbed.  

Seeing the Mediocre Samaritan, the Wounded Man moaned, “Do you have any bandages?” 

The Mediocre Samaritan glanced in his glove compartment and shrugged.  “Nawww.  I got a Wet-Nap!” 

“What Would Jesus Do?” 

I needed some advice so I went to my pastor; and he said, “It’s always good to stop and ask: What Would Jesus Do?”  

Hmm, what would Jesus do?  

“Fast Food Royalty” 

“The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” and shows like that are popular.  But I don’t think love and marriage should be treated as prizes on a game show.  

“Sometimes I Pray with a British Accent” 

Does anyone else pray in British?  

I mean, besides British people.  

Maybe that’s how Lutherans speak in tongues.  

“How to Sanctify Unsavory Songs” 

Have you ever had a song get stuck in your head?  

If not, you’ve never been to Disney.

“Facebook Fun” 

If Jesus had a Facebook page, He’d friend each and every one of us.  

“You’re a Christian What?!” 

Sure, it sounds wrong.  But the TV preacher told me as long as I tithe I can pretty much do whatever I want.

“Breakfast Cereals of the Bible 
and the People Who Love Them” 

Adam & Eve -- Apple Jacks, Apple Zings, Fruit Harvest, or Bear Naked.

“Satan’s Cereals” 

On a deeper, more personal level, we find ourselves tortured by the fact that we age and cannot recapture the joy and enthusiasm of youth.  Can any crueler phrase exist in all of breakfastdom than?: “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.”

“Repossessed” 

Actually, it wasn’t a herd of swine so much as it was a ham and cheese sandwich.  If you’ve never seen a ham and cheese sandwich possessed by demons, you’re really missing out.  The bread flops up and down; the cheese sizzles; and the lettuce, tomato, and mayo fly around the diner.  And the ham!  The ham dances around, does the Moonwalk, and speaks in an eerie, hideous voice that continuously asks, “What?!  No onions?  What?!  No onions?”  

“Forward Phobia: Evil Emails” 

And what about those supposedly Christian evil emails that are just as bad?  They say things like “If you love Jesus.  And if you don’t want to suffer in Hell for all eternity, forward this email right away.”  
What did people forward to save their souls before the Internet?  

“Who Was the Greatest Comedian in the Bible?” 

Special thanks to my friend and former fellow ImprovAddict (an improv comedy troupe) performer Mike Cotton for asking this intriguing question.  Having an enquiring mind, I want to know the answer too!  Using my amazing secrets-of-the-universe-revealing powers (which are far beyond those of mere mortal men) and applying my deductive (wacky?) mind … 
Remember: Without a Laff-O-Meter available during biblical times, my response can only be subjective. 

“The Comedy Concept Behind 
‘Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible’” 

Ponder the platypus for a moment or two.  And remember, those existed long before nuclear accidents, cigarettes, and cell phone towers. 

“Divine Definitions” 

The Good Confession: The one the clergy will talk about for weeks.  

“Hey Dude! Hey!” 

Did you know that if you say “Hey Dude! Hey!” backwards that it sounds an awful lot like “Hey Dude! Hey!”, so you never really know if it’s backwards or not.  Thus, the people who don’t know if they’re coming or going end up not knowing if they’re going or coming either.  Indeed, the confusion becomes so great that no one shows up at the meetings anymore, so due to a lack of funding, the whole operation shuts down.  

“Stalker Almighty” 

Maria hummed “Losing My Religion” as she carried her notepad to a patron in the back corner hidden behind the menu.  “Have you made up your mind yet?”
The menu lowered; and Maria found herself face to Face with The One and Only.  “I made up my mind before the foundation of the world.”
“You?!”  Maria quivered.  “Soup of the day then?”

“Across the Multiverse” 

In a parallel universe, I’m married to actress Valerie Bertinelli; and we star together in a highly-acclaimed sitcom called “My Gal Val”.  In that world, musician Eddie Van Halen learned to play the accordion instead of guitar.  

“What If People in the Bible 
Had Their Own Games?” 

David wins Stratego as he defeats the Pharisees; and then Sorry! after sleeping with Bathsheba.  His son Solomon keeps busy with Mastermind, Cranium, Clue, and Beach Blanket Bingo.  If only to get a break from his three hundred wives and seven hundred concubines.  And David’s grandson Rehoboam causes a great division among his people with Scattergories.  

“May I Ask You 
an Intensely Personal Question?” 

What kind of question is that?  Have you seen those ads?  People say they’ll do the craziest things for a treat that will melt away in moments.  

“Upside-Down Sharks 
Prove the Existence of God” 

As if His Son’s miraculous life, sacrificial death, and glorious resurrection weren’t proof enough, we can add upside-down sharks to the list of many infallible proofs of God’s existence.  Yay God!  

“Lessons from the Yard” 

Funny how you need a million reasons to do something you should do, but only one or two excuses to do something you shouldn’t do.  

Church Skit: 
“Interview with Jesus” 

JESUS: (Laughs heartily.)  You can ask Me any question in the universe; and you want to know what My favorite color is?

PASTOR: I just wanted to see if You have a sense of humor.

JESUS: My Father and I thought Our creation of the platypus would convince everyone of that.

“For Best Results” 

Please note that Jesus never told Peter, “Depart from Me, you evil, wretched worm!  Flee from My holy, holy, holy presence, you sinning fishmonger!”  

Jesus never said that to Peter; and I’ll tell you why. … Jesus spoke Aramaic, not English.

And, because Jesus never tells us that for best results, we need to become perfect and sinless before we can enter His holy presence.  Never!

Here’s why: We can’t become perfect and sinless on our own.  

“An Ice Memoir 
(One Molecule Can Make a Difference)” 

Not this quote, per se, 
but this story, always makes me cry ...

Magnificent memories, yet here Bob shivered amidst the Tong Wars.  While other cubes clung together out of fear, he hid alone to evade capture.  Until one night, the Tong caught him.  

“Jojo: 3:16” 

God is not the maitre ‘d at a fancy restaurant.  So why do we think we can bribe Him?   “Maybe if I slip a few extra bucks in the offering plate, He’ll help me win the lottery.  And why not?  He knows I’d tithe.”  

“Why Do I Want to Walk on Water?” 

Where in the world is the Special Someone who will accept me and my imperfections, without clinging to the ridiculous notion that I should do the same for her?  

“Life’s Most Profound Question” 

What do you think is Life’s Most Profound Question?  Where am I going?  From whence have I come?  What does whence mean?  
What career should I choose?  What is love?  Whom should I marry?  What church should I attend?  How should I invest my money?  What’s on TV tonight?  How much is that doggy in the window?  Who wrote the Book of Love?  Whodunit?  Who drank the last of the milk?  Who ate the last cookie?  What happened on the way to the forum?  Who shot J. R.?  Where’s Waldo?  Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?  Where were you when this song became number one?  Was it Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a knife?  Paper or plastic?  Credit or debit?  
We could ask a myriad of questions.  Even more important ones like: Who is God?  What plans does God have for my life?  Which ministries should I support and serve?  But, believe it or not, Life’s Most Profound Question is: 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

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My Favorite Quotes from Seasons Without Reason

My Favorite Quotes 
from Seasons Without Reason

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Please Note: 

These are in addition to the quotes found in the Table of Contents. 

Being taken out of context, these might not make as much sense. 

Each story presents a different character in a different situation with a different point-of-view, which may or may not differ from my own. 

“Seasons Without Reason”

Beach fun at Ocean City.  After seven swimmers have been attacked, the Coast Guard hooks a sizable man-eater offshore.  The crew labors feverishly; and as the sun sets, they reel in the predator.  Much to everyone’s amazement, it’s a Bengal tiger in scuba gear.  Meanwhile, astonished zoologists find a monster bull shark bound and gagged in the river at the Bronx Zoo.

“Fast Food Follies”

“For Whom the Taco Tolls” 

The Chalupas and the Gorditas rumbled to see who’d reign supreme.  

“The Mouse that Squeaked”

Markey Mouse’s madcap misadventures entertained the world for decades, so imagine Moe’s astonishment when mobsters accused him of being an informant.  Moe Cheese, the voice of the lovable cartoon character, reread the death threat a third time.  Studio security laughed.  Everyone pegged the note as a silly prank.  

“Breakfast of the Living Dead”

Zombies love bacon.  They may be brain dead.  But they’re not stupid.  

“Exercise = MC Square” 

Albert Einstein, Fitness Guru

Weight gain is a food tax, meted out by an angry IRS agent.  To split the atom and eat seconds of pudding; that’s all I ask.  

“Turning Point”

But suddenly, when all hope seemed lost, my situation worsened.  

“We Get the Point!”

I feel so close; and yet, I find myself plagued by a myriad of doubts.  Maybe mankind isn’t meant to delineate fractions with brevity and ease.

“Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!”  

 “No more daytime talk shows for you.  They make you paranoid.”  
 I nodded.  Guess that meant no more soap operas and women’s magazines either.  

“Are Aliens from a Superior Race 

Stealing Our Laundry?”

Twenty years later, the old man died in his sleep for no apparent reason, except that he slumbered on a train track; and the midnight special took him home to glory.  Coincidence?  Or the Infinite Beyond?

“The Five Stages of Grief for Burnt Waffles”

Denial

No!  I can’t be smelling smoke.  This can’t be happening.  The toaster setting 3.5 works best.  There’s no way my waffles can be burning.  Maybe it’s just my computer.  Or the house.  I can only hope.  

“My Stolen Step-Ins”

My mind raced.  What theater?  Richland had only one.  A community theater whose production that night was “Annie”.  If I heard that song about the sun coming out, one more time I’d scream.  Unsure of how else to escape, I said yes and dashed away.  I felt his eyes picking my pockets like a Bowery Street wino on crack.  

“The Twelve-Step Program 

for People with Overdue Library Books”

3. We made a decision to turn our overdue books over to the care of the public library; as we understood them. 

“Brat-Sitter” 

“Oo!  You’re Brat-tastic!  You’re the Chuck Norris of brats.  The Shamu of troublemakers.  The Super-Dee-Duper Double-Deluxe Pack of Delinquents.  This is the worst night ever!”
The Brat stopped hacking off her hair.  “You sure do talk a lot.”

“How to Sell Lots and Lots 

of Angel Scout Cookies”

Sweat flowed freely from his blushing brow.  He was already up to his neck in the quicksand of embarrassment.  

“Origins of Golf Lingo”

Eventually the self-humiliation took its toll on Gary; and he resorted to drinking.  Not just alcohol, but also liquid laxatives.  And soon his life went down the toilet.  

“Catch 23”

With his macho pride preserved, he unclenched his fists, lowered his hands, and hobbled away.  I sighed, having feared that if I’d been forced to defend myself, I might’ve accidentally maimed him.  

“First Fight”

Barbara snickered at his [her husband’s] foiled attempt to look nonchalant.  Realizing he held his breath, she hesitated, admiring the varied hues his face changed: Atomic Tangerine.  Mango Tango.  Razzle Dazzle Rose.  At last she said, “Of course.”

“Philosophy of Chips”

The 1960s band The Ruffles achieved success singing, “I Wanna Hold Your Snacks”, “Sergeant Salsa’s Lonely Hearts Chip Dip”, and “All You Need Is Spuds”.  

“You Look Tasty!”

My farewell to the vegan diet began with one salad too many.  

“No Deposit, ...”

Isn’t the captain supposed to go down with the ship?  And here you are: The only one to survive!  

“Cannibal Conundrum”

With society allowing many former taboos, such as casino gambling and used car sales, eventually, even cannibalism will be considered socially acceptable.  The Kitchen Network will feature shows such as: “How Best to Serve Mankind” and “Cooking with Zulu”.   

“Seven Dozen and Three Years Ago”

“My soul quivers to think that what you said makes sense.”  

“Origins of Stand-Up Comedy Lingo”

So to avoid confusion, comics adopted the now accepted phrase of punch line.  And that term works great, unless you perform at weddings and bar mitzvahs where you’ll find a line of people waiting to drink punch.  In which case, drink some punch; and join the universe in sighing, “Oy vey!  What can you do?”

“A Dribble Glass Can Be a Beautiful Thing”

The Fake Arrow Through the Head would have saved General George Custer and his men.  And imagine what the old Bucket of Water Over the Door Trick might have done for the Nixon Administration.

“Art Schmart”

“Don’t be silly.”  I chuckled.  “I’m not arrogant.  Arrogance is beneath me.”  

“The Secret to Comedy”

Funny, we have long lived with laughter, cackling like loons, without understanding why.  My lab partner Doctor Conway and I will conduct a series of gradated tests to unmask the mysteries of the comical.  Not only to harness humor’s healing properties and win the Nobel Peace Prize, but more importantly, to pick up chicks. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

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My Favorite Bible Verses

My Favorite
Bible Verses

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(Words of Jesus in red.)

Romans 15:13 (NKJV): 

“Now may the God of hope 

fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

that you may abound in hope 

by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Words of hope and comfort for whatever you may face.

John 3:16-17 (NKJV): 

“For God so loved the world 

that He gave His only begotten Son, 

that whoever believes in Him 

should not perish but have everlasting life. 

For God did not send His Son into the world 

to condemn the world, 

but that the world through Him might be saved.”

I know some sports fans like to wear John 3:16 on caps or wave around banners emblazoned with that. 

Or even smear it under their eyes like Tim Tebow. 

John 3:16 is a succinct rendering of the Saving Gospel of Christ. 

But I like to add John 3:17, because we hear that God the Father sent His Only Begotten Son Jesus, not to condemn us, but to save us. 

Too often, whether it’s because of the secular media, or because of believers who don’t fully understand, we get the idea that Jesus came to spank us with lightning bolts. 

Not so. 

Jesus hates sin, yes, but He loves the sinner. 

Jesus is for us. 

Jesus came in love to be the sacrifice for our sins. 

The most loving act of all time in all the universe. 

Jesus offers forgiveness to those who acknowledge their sin (their imperfections, their disobedience to God, their ego, their missing the mark of perfection), admit their need for a Savior, and turn to Jesus in faith, believing that Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son of God who became a man, lived a perfect sinless life (which no one else could ever do), died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins (which we could never pay), and came back to life, conquering death and offering salvation to all who repent and believe in Him. 

John 16:27 (NKJV): 

“for the Father Himself loves you, 

because you have loved Me, 

and have believed that I came forth from God.”

I love the opening phrase “for the Father Himself loves you”. 

God loves us! 

Sadly, we sometimes get the idea that Jesus loves us, but the Father wants to destroy us. 

Jesus healed blind people, but Jehovah sent the flood. 

Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but Jehovah killed the firstborn on the night of Passover. 

Okay, so Jehovah punishes sin. That’s true. Jehovah hates sins too. 

But Jehovah, a.k.a. God the Father, sent His Only Begotten Son Jesus, because God the Father so loved the world as mentioned before. 

God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit loves us! 

Such knowledge should fill our hearts with endless joy. 

And indeed, I hope and pray you receive that joy today and always. 

My secret favorite ... 

John 15:3 (NKJV): 

“You are already clean 

because of the word which I have spoken to you.”

I like this verse, because one time, without my reading glasses, it looked like it said, “You are already dean because of the word I have spoken to you.”  

So I thought, “Hey.  I’m already Dean.  I don’t have to try to be someone else, because I’m already Dean in the eyes of the Lord.  

Or rather dean, with a lower case D to help keep me humble.  

That might not mean anything to you, but it’s fun to find your name in the Bible.  Unless your name’s Ahab, Haman, or Judas.  

Or Jezebel.  Come to think of it, unless your name’s Jesus, your namesake in the Bible probably did a lot of bad things.  

Which shows we’re all human in need of a Divine Savior.  And also shows how the writers of the Bible didn’t candy-coat things to make themselves look better.  

Blessings & Joy,

Dean


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My Favorite Dove Chocolate Sayings

Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029JASWA

My Favorite 
Dove Chocolate Sayings

Photo Source: http://jkneuenschwander.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/the-wisdom-of-dove-chocolate/

-- Also, keep the promises you make to others too. Just saying. That would be totally cool if you did. But really though, you just need to be true to God, yourself, and the makers of chocolate. You needn’t worry about anybody else. If you’re in good with a maker of chocolate, you’ll always have friends and family that adore you. And you’ll enjoy a sweet, sweet life!

“Wisdom has two parts: 
1) having a lot to say, 
and 2) not saying it.”

-- Truly divine wisdom with which even the Bible agrees. Proverbs 10:19 (NIV): “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” The next time you feel enraged, write out how you feel on a piece of paper. (The part 1 of “having a lot to say”.) And then use that paper to start a fire with which you roast marshmallows and make S’mores with Dove Chocolate. If only the Hulk would try that little trick once in a while, the military could save lots of wasted tanks and mortar shells. And Doctor Banner could wear the same shirt more than once. 

“Footprints on the sands of time 
are not made by sitting down.”

-- Almost feels like this one should start with: “Confucius say ...” Because this reads like a fortune cookie. But this is sound advice. Resting, dreaming, and planning are all well and good, but at some point, to be effective, you must get up and implement those plans. Dreams come true, not because of pixie dust, but from determination and effort in action! Or if you save the life of a wealthy man who wants to make your every wish come true. 

“If you live in the present, 
every moment is a new beginning.”

-- True again. Another fortune cookie style nugget of wisdom. Only being chocolate, this is way tastier than a fortune cookie. I’m not sure how “in the present” I am, but I do like thinking of the first of each month as Happy New Month Day. Every Sunday is Happy New Week Day. And when I’m up past midnight, I think “Welcome to the new day.”

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, 

the more there is in life to celebrate.”

-- Makes sense to me. I had a girlfriend who could never feel happy, so I told her to write down at least three specific things each day for which she is thankful. ‘Cause in a week she’d have at least 21 things for which to be thankful. 90 or more in a month! How can you not be happy when you’ve got about 100 things for which to be thankful? Over 1,000 in a year! But I don’t think she ever followed my advice. Maybe because it was my advice. She’d rather be miserable, because I advised her to be happy. That’s just one of the reasons for which she became my ex.  And her being my ex is  just one more item on my list of things for which I give thanks. 

“The best ideas come 
after you think you’ve run out of them.”

-- So true. Maybe because the pressure’s off. Or your creative mind needed to make all those awful or silly ideas just to get that one great idea. Little known fun facts: The guy who invented the wheel (Joe Wheel) was trying to invent the Hula Hoop. The guy who invented fire (Joe Fire) was trying to create smoother sticks. The guy who invented rocket fuel (Joe Rocket Fuel) was trying to mix together an after-dinner drink with a little kick. Whew! What a kick! And just think, if Joe Namath hadn’t gone into sports, he might have invented something cool call the Namath. 

“Take time to laugh, 
it’s the music of the soul.”

-- Silly me. I thought music was the music of the soul. But, apparently, so too is laughter, according to the dogma and doctrine of Dove-ology. Fine with me. Laughing produces abundant benefits for the heart and mind. Positive laughter, that is. Like the kind I try to generate with my Heaven-Bent blog and other writings. 

My secret favorite ... 

“Share a smile with someone you love.”

-- Why is this my secret favorite? Honestly, because I had to pick something! And secondly, because it’s a bit mushy. But I truly would love to share lots of smiles with those I love. Especially, if that means, they’ll be sharing their chocolate with me! ;o)

Have a Sweet Day!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

P.S. Please Note: The manufacturers of Dove Chocolate wrote the sayings above which are: 

centered, 

in bold, in “quotes”, and appear beneath this picture of Dove Chocolate: 

Photo Source for the aforementioned pictures of Dove Chocolate: 
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029JASWA

They also wrote the saying in the above picture of a saying from Dove Chocolate.