Some of My Favorite Brian Regan Jokes

Brian Regan's birthday is this coming Tuesday, 
October 2nd, 
so to celebrate the festive occasion, 
I'm remembering: 

Some of My Favorite
Brian Regan Jokes

Brian Regan's most recent appearance
on The Letterman Show:

The video published on YouTube on Aug 31, 2012 by valpcomees

I don't know what ... is going on with cranberries, but they're getting into all the other juices! Whoever the salesmen is for cranberries, he's doing a great job. He's showing up everywhere. "Hey, what do you got? Some apples? Put some cranberries in there. We'll call it a cran-apple, go 50-50." "What do you got? Grapes? How about cran-grape." "What do you got? Mangoes? Cran-mango." "What do you got? Pork-chops? Cran-chops!" Why don't you back off, cranberry man. Why don't you take your sales trophy and have a vacation. 

In the store I saw that, uh, "peanut butter and jelly in the same jar" stuff. What ... is that? Is there a point to that? I mean, I'm lazy, but, uh, you know, I wanna meet the guy that needs that, you know? Some guy going, "You know I could go for a sandwich, but, uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. Cleaning... WHO KNOWS how many knives! If you're that lazy, why not put croutons in there. Get the whole sandwich on one spoon. [Eats a spoonful] "Mmm! Scrumptious! I will have a second!" [Another spoonful] "Delectable! As was the first!" If you don't want to clean the spoon you put it in a squeeze bottle. [Squeezes into mouth] "Mmm! Lunch and no clean-up! Can life get better? I submit that it cannot!" 

Pin the Tail on the Donkey: What are adults thinking? "Hey, hey, we're having a whole bunch of kids over - big party. We're going to blindfold one... give him something sharp... spin him around, and let him go!"

I thought Yoga was easy. I went out and I bought a Yoga video tape. I bought the beginners tape I couldn't do anything on the whole hour, nothing, just fast forwarding... can't do that... can't do that... I know I can't do that. This woman like in a soothing voice... Simply take the bottom of your right foot, and place it on the small of your back... Now take your left leg... throw it over the back of your neck like a scarf... and breathe... I can't breathe! They had a thing called the relaxation pose that I couldn't even do. What kind of shape am I in I can't even relax? ...It's time for the relaxation pose... kneel down on the floor, with your toes pointing back behind you, sit down on your heals, and reeeelaaaax. I can hear my foot bones cracking! If she wanted me to relax she should say... Go get your favourite pillow, curl up on the couch, throw this tape away, and reeeelaaaax.

All of the above jokes and routines were written and performed by Brian Regan!  

Have a Happy Birthday Brian; 

and thank you for all the laughs!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

For more Brian Regan fun, 
be sure to view my previous posts: 

My Favorite Brian Regan Routines

&
Happy Birthday Brian Regan!

And check out these great Brian Regan items 
for sale at Amazon.com:



Please Note: 
The following contains one usage of the d-word.
Other than that, this is a blast!
Watching my two favorite* comedians hang out:


This video published on YouTube on Aug 9, 2012 by Crackle

Next Friday:
Some of My Favorite Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

* Favorite comedians who still perform.

My Favorite Far Side Cartoons

My Favorite
Far Side Cartoons

The Far Side was the Seinfeld of cartoons!

Please Note: 
Each cartoon presented herein 
is already on the  Internet elsewhere;  

and each image shown links to Amazon.com 

where collections of The Far Side are for sale; 

thus, there is no copyright infringement, 

as this post promotes the sale 
of Gary Larson’s hilarious work. 

Photo Source: http://everlastingtruth.com/?cat=6

Photo Source: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/the-far-side?before=1341898834

Photo Source: http://stephhicks68.hubpages.com/hub/Gary-Larson

I have several other favorites, 
but these were the only ones I could find online.

My other favorites include: 

A ladder factory is burning. 
Someone says: 
“If only we had some way of climbing down from here.”

Villagers storm a castle. 
One guy whose torch goes out 
remembers buying his failed torch 
on sale at a big discount.

Knights storm a castle. 
One looks into the moat and says: 
“Oo!  Look!  Goldfish!”

And many, many more!

My secret favorite ... 

This is my favorite favorite!

Why is it my secret favorite?

Please Note: 

The following uses the h-word. 

Photo Source: http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn208/ivorycj/Far%20Side/?action=view&current=ChuckHell.jpg&sort=ascending

Probably, because of the use of the h-word; 
that topic is too serious to joke about; 

and I have to pick something as my secret favorite!

Thank you Gary Larson for the great laughs!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

My Favorite Cat Movies, Calendars, and Videos

My Favorite 
Cat Movies, Calendars, and Videos

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

My Favorite Failed TV Shows

My Favorite Failed TV Shows

(My Favorite TV Shows That Got Canceled 

Before Completing Their First Season.)

Firefly

Joss Whedon's sci-fi space cowboy series. Fun show. Suspenseful. Lots of humor. Great characters. Excellent cast. Summer Glau! Although the series didn't last, the show spawned the fun and exciting movie "Serenity".

You can watch the episodes on Hulu for free as they usually rotate through the series every 14 weeks.

Wonderfalls

A quirky show about a quirky girl who hears inanimate objects talk to her. And they won't stop talking (or singing) until she does what they tell her to do. Caroline Dhavernas! My favorite bit from the series is when her brother busts the head of the cow-shaped creamer, because he knows it's upsetting his sister. He doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand it! But still, he does that, because he cares for his sister.

Here's the original unaired pilot ... (busted cow-shaped creamer scene not included) ...

Uploaded by JoeHovey on Mar 7, 2006

My secret favorite ... 

Committed

Why is this my secret favorite? I couldn't even find this on DVD! It's almost too weird to admit liking. It's a quirky fun show. The guy's crazy; and the girl's out there, may be crazy too, so they seem perfect for each other! In this mixed-up, crazy world, even loony nutjobs can find love. At least that's the hope this show gives us. I thought Josh Cooke and Jennifer Finnigan! had great chemistry. 

Uploaded by TroopinFairy on Mar 4, 2010

Uploaded by TroopinFairy on Mar 4, 2010

Uploaded by TroopinFairy on Mar 4, 2010

Hmm. Two out of three of my My Favorite Failed TV Shows are about crazy people. (Three out of three if you consider River Tam from "Firefly" as not being what most people consider sane.) What does that say about me? I enjoy a crazy good time? They're both about trying to find love too. So maybe I like psycho gals. Alas, a case could easily be made to argue that point. 

Important Point: I called these "failed shows", but that's because I needed a shorter title than: "My Favorite TV Shows That Got Canceled Before Completing Their First Season". These shows didn't fail. The network marketing departments failed. And thus, the audience failed to find these wonderful gems.

Until next time, keep trying. 

If you don't attempt something, 

you've already failed.

Blessings & Joy,

Dean