Some of My Favorite Brian Regan Jokes

Brian Regan's birthday is this coming Tuesday, 
October 2nd, 
so to celebrate the festive occasion, 
I'm remembering: 

Some of My Favorite
Brian Regan Jokes

Brian Regan's most recent appearance
on The Letterman Show:

The video published on YouTube on Aug 31, 2012 by valpcomees

I don't know what ... is going on with cranberries, but they're getting into all the other juices! Whoever the salesmen is for cranberries, he's doing a great job. He's showing up everywhere. "Hey, what do you got? Some apples? Put some cranberries in there. We'll call it a cran-apple, go 50-50." "What do you got? Grapes? How about cran-grape." "What do you got? Mangoes? Cran-mango." "What do you got? Pork-chops? Cran-chops!" Why don't you back off, cranberry man. Why don't you take your sales trophy and have a vacation. 

In the store I saw that, uh, "peanut butter and jelly in the same jar" stuff. What ... is that? Is there a point to that? I mean, I'm lazy, but, uh, you know, I wanna meet the guy that needs that, you know? Some guy going, "You know I could go for a sandwich, but, uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. Cleaning... WHO KNOWS how many knives! If you're that lazy, why not put croutons in there. Get the whole sandwich on one spoon. [Eats a spoonful] "Mmm! Scrumptious! I will have a second!" [Another spoonful] "Delectable! As was the first!" If you don't want to clean the spoon you put it in a squeeze bottle. [Squeezes into mouth] "Mmm! Lunch and no clean-up! Can life get better? I submit that it cannot!" 

Pin the Tail on the Donkey: What are adults thinking? "Hey, hey, we're having a whole bunch of kids over - big party. We're going to blindfold one... give him something sharp... spin him around, and let him go!"

I thought Yoga was easy. I went out and I bought a Yoga video tape. I bought the beginners tape I couldn't do anything on the whole hour, nothing, just fast forwarding... can't do that... can't do that... I know I can't do that. This woman like in a soothing voice... Simply take the bottom of your right foot, and place it on the small of your back... Now take your left leg... throw it over the back of your neck like a scarf... and breathe... I can't breathe! They had a thing called the relaxation pose that I couldn't even do. What kind of shape am I in I can't even relax? ...It's time for the relaxation pose... kneel down on the floor, with your toes pointing back behind you, sit down on your heals, and reeeelaaaax. I can hear my foot bones cracking! If she wanted me to relax she should say... Go get your favourite pillow, curl up on the couch, throw this tape away, and reeeelaaaax.

All of the above jokes and routines were written and performed by Brian Regan!  

Have a Happy Birthday Brian; 

and thank you for all the laughs!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

For more Brian Regan fun, 
be sure to view my previous posts: 

My Favorite Brian Regan Routines

&
Happy Birthday Brian Regan!

And check out these great Brian Regan items 
for sale at Amazon.com:



Please Note: 
The following contains one usage of the d-word.
Other than that, this is a blast!
Watching my two favorite* comedians hang out:


This video published on YouTube on Aug 9, 2012 by Crackle

Next Friday:
Some of My Favorite Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

* Favorite comedians who still perform.