Some of My Favorite Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

Some of My Favorite 

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004

As far as I know,
Rodney Dangerfield wrote all of the following jokes:

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

Once when I was lost...I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him...Do you think we'll ever find them? He said...I don't know kid......there are so many places they can hide.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

What a childhood I had.  My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist.  That kid didn't help me at all.

Uploaded by ClassicTVBlog on May 4, 2007

I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home.

I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream.

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I met the surgeon general, he offered me a cigarette!

I was watching the fights; and a hockey game broke out. 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.  Then we met.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names — hers and her mother's.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

For more about Rodney Dangerfield, visit Heaven-Bent to read my post: Remembering Rodney Dangerfield (A comedian to the end, and beyond, even his tombstone is funny.)