My Favorite
Bad Advice from
Dove Chocolate Candy Wrappers
Bad Advice from
Dove Chocolate Candy Wrappers
Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029JASWA
Not every fortune cookie offers the wisest advice. Case in point being: “He who laughs last doesn’t make for a fun date.”
I saw this hot girl at one of my shows; only she laughed much later than everyone else. Having just enjoyed Hunan cuisine that afternoon, I heeded that silly advice and didn’t ask her out.
Turns out she was a European chocolate factory heiress. She laughed last, because she waited for her translator.
I missed out on my dream woman, because I heeded the dictates of an after-dinner pastry!
In the same manner, even the well-meaning, often awe-inspiring, phrases found inside the foil wrappers of Dove Chocolate candies can be little suspect.
Some, downright disastrous!
“Lose yourself in a moment.”
That’s such bad advice, that U2 sang a song about it!
That guy lost himself in a moment; and his whole life passed him by.
Another warped witticism inscribed on the inside of a Dove wrapper sounds spot on.
“Live your dreams.”
Sounds great; doesn’t it?
Until you remember the dream where you’re being chased by serial killers and land sharks, but you can only move in slow motion.
Or the one with the Tarantula eating the Golden Gate Bridge.
(I blame that one on a classic sci-fi marathon and an undercooked burrito.)
“Ignite your sense of adventure.”
&
“Don’t settle for a spark
… light a fire instead.”
In retrospect, I should’ve eaten those two candies on break at work.
My attempt to fulfill my candy-wrapper-inspired destiny got me fired, destroyed a city block, and made me the subject of a lawsuit by Carman, Morgan, & Burnetti.
Which inspired me to create a new ad slogan for the fine folks at Dove:
Dove Chocolate:
Lousy Advice; Delicious Candy.
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