Steve Martin Jokes
“Um, I know that sounds phony,
‘cause every entertainer in the world comes out
no matter where they are and they always go,
‘HEY! IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!’
And it really sounds fake.
But, believe me, I am sincere when I say,
‘HEY! IT’S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!’” *
Enjoy this early performance
by Steve Martin on The Midnight Special:
“Well, anyway, um. Oh, this is an interesting thing. I, uh, gave my cat a bath the other day. You know I’d always heard you weren’t supposed to give cats baths, but my cat came home; and he was really dirty; and I decided to give him a bath. And it was great. If you have a cat, don’t worry about it. They love it. He sat there. He enjoyed it. Uh, it was fun for me, you know; and uh, the fur would stick to my tongue. But other than that, you know, it was, uh, great.” *
Enjoy the hilarious magical comedy of
The Great Flydini
from The Tonight Show
starring Johnny Carson:
The Great Flydini
from The Tonight Show
starring Johnny Carson:
“Okay, I don’t like to, um, gear my material to the audience but, um, I’d like to make an exception, because I was told, uh, that there is a convention of plumbers, in San Francisco, this week; and I understand about 30 of ‘em came down to the show tonight. So before I came out, I worked up a joke especially for the plumbers. And, uh, now those of you, who aren’t plumbers, probably won’t get this and won’t think it’s funny, but I think those of you who are plumbers will really enjoy this. And, uh, so if you’re not a plumber, please, just bear with me for a while. And just kind of, uh, hold off on this, but I’d really like to do this for the plumbers. So, here we go: This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job; and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven-inch gangly wrench. Well, just then, a little apprentice leaned over and said, ‘You can’t work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven-inch wrench.’ Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual; and he reads to him and says, ‘The Langstrom seven-inch wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket.’ Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, ‘It says sprocket not socket!’” (Chuckles. Worried pause.) “Were those plumbers supposed to be here this show, or?” *
Steve Martin singing Grandmother’s Song:
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh
without making them puke.” *
“I’ve got to keep breathing.
... It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.” *
A bit risque, but funny,
“I handed in a script last year
and the studio didn’t change one word.
... The word they didn’t change was on page 87.” *
“I think I did pretty well,
considering I started out with nothing,
but a bunch of blank paper.” *
Enjoy this Steve Martin short film!
The hilarious Absent-Minded Waiter
with Buck Henry and Terri Garr.
“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay
... for an honest day’s work.” *
* Written and/or performed/spoken by Steve Martin.
For more about Steve Martin comedy, please visit previous post: My Favorite Comedians and visit Heaven-Bent on August 14 after 5 am (Eastern) for my post: Happy Birthday Steve Martin!
