These are in addition to the quotes found in the Table of Contents.
Being taken out of context, these might not make as much sense.
Each story presents a different character in a different situation with a different point-of-view, which may or may not differ from my own.
Beach fun at Ocean City. After seven swimmers have been attacked, the Coast Guard hooks a sizable man-eater offshore. The crew labors feverishly; and as the sun sets, they reel in the predator. Much to everyone’s amazement, it’s a Bengal tiger in scuba gear. Meanwhile, astonished zoologists find a monster bull shark bound and gagged in the river at the Bronx Zoo.
“Fast Food Follies”
“For Whom the Taco Tolls”
The Chalupas and the Gorditas rumbled to see who’d reign supreme.
“The Mouse that Squeaked”
Markey Mouse’s madcap misadventures entertained the world for decades, so imagine Moe’s astonishment when mobsters accused him of being an informant. Moe Cheese, the voice of the lovable cartoon character, reread the death threat a third time. Studio security laughed. Everyone pegged the note as a silly prank.
“Breakfast of the Living Dead”
Zombies love bacon. They may be brain dead. But they’re not stupid.
“Exercise = MC Square”
Albert Einstein, Fitness Guru
Weight gain is a food tax, meted out by an angry IRS agent. To split the atom and eat seconds of pudding; that’s all I ask.
“Turning Point”
But suddenly, when all hope seemed lost, my situation worsened.
“We Get the Point!”
I feel so close; and yet, I find myself plagued by a myriad of doubts. Maybe mankind isn’t meant to delineate fractions with brevity and ease.
“Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!”
“No more daytime talk shows for you. They make you paranoid.” I nodded. Guess that meant no more soap operas and women’s magazines either.
“Are Aliens from a Superior Race
Stealing Our Laundry?”
Twenty years later, the old man died in his sleep for no apparent reason, except that he slumbered on a train track; and the midnight special took him home to glory. Coincidence? Or the Infinite Beyond?
“The Five Stages of Grief for Burnt Waffles”
Denial
No! I can’t be smelling smoke. This can’t be happening. The toaster setting 3.5 works best. There’s no way my waffles can be burning. Maybe it’s just my computer. Or the house. I can only hope.
“My Stolen Step-Ins”
My mind raced. What theater? Richland had only one. A community theater whose production that night was “Annie”. If I heard that song about the sun coming out, one more time I’d scream. Unsure of how else to escape, I said yes and dashed away. I felt his eyes picking my pockets like a Bowery Street wino on crack.
“The Twelve-Step Program
for People with Overdue Library Books”
3. We made a decision to turn our overdue books over to the care of the public library; as we understood them.
“Brat-Sitter”
“Oo! You’re Brat-tastic! You’re the Chuck Norris of brats. The Shamu of troublemakers. The Super-Dee-Duper Double-Deluxe Pack of Delinquents. This is the worst night ever!”The Brat stopped hacking off her hair. “You sure do talk a lot.”
“How to Sell Lots and Lots
of Angel Scout Cookies”
Sweat flowed freely from his blushing brow. He was already up to his neck in the quicksand of embarrassment.
“Origins of Golf Lingo”
Eventually the self-humiliation took its toll on Gary; and he resorted to drinking. Not just alcohol, but also liquid laxatives. And soon his life went down the toilet.
“Catch 23”
With his macho pride preserved, he unclenched his fists, lowered his hands, and hobbled away. I sighed, having feared that if I’d been forced to defend myself, I might’ve accidentally maimed him.
“First Fight”
Barbara snickered at his [her husband’s] foiled attempt to look nonchalant. Realizing he held his breath, she hesitated, admiring the varied hues his face changed: Atomic Tangerine. Mango Tango. Razzle Dazzle Rose. At last she said, “Of course.”
“Philosophy of Chips”
The 1960s band The Ruffles achieved success singing, “I Wanna Hold Your Snacks”, “Sergeant Salsa’s Lonely Hearts Chip Dip”, and “All You Need Is Spuds”.
“You Look Tasty!”
My farewell to the vegan diet began with one salad too many.
“No Deposit, ...”
Isn’t the captain supposed to go down with the ship? And here you are: The only one to survive!
“Cannibal Conundrum”
With society allowing many former taboos, such as casino gambling and used car sales, eventually, even cannibalism will be considered socially acceptable. The Kitchen Network will feature shows such as: “How Best to Serve Mankind” and “Cooking with Zulu”.
“Seven Dozen and Three Years Ago”
“My soul quivers to think that what you said makes sense.”
“Origins of Stand-Up Comedy Lingo”
So to avoid confusion, comics adopted the now accepted phrase of punch line. And that term works great, unless you perform at weddings and bar mitzvahs where you’ll find a line of people waiting to drink punch. In which case, drink some punch; and join the universe in sighing, “Oy vey! What can you do?”
“A Dribble Glass Can Be a Beautiful Thing”
The Fake Arrow Through the Head would have saved General George Custer and his men. And imagine what the old Bucket of Water Over the Door Trick might have done for the Nixon Administration.
“Art Schmart”
“Don’t be silly.” I chuckled. “I’m not arrogant. Arrogance is beneath me.”
“The Secret to Comedy”
Funny, we have long lived with laughter, cackling like loons, without understanding why. My lab partner Doctor Conway and I will conduct a series of gradated tests to unmask the mysteries of the comical. Not only to harness humor’s healing properties and win the Nobel Peace Prize, but more importantly, to pick up chicks. 
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